the BEST of 2011

10. CONTAGION
9. THE TREE OF LIFE
8. WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN
7. the INTERRUPTERS
6. MARTHA
MARCY
MAY
MARLENE
5. EL LUGAR MAS PEQUENO

4. Drive

3. HUGO

2. TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY

1. A SEPARATION

top FIVE {documentaries} 2011:

5. SENNA
4. IF A TREE FALLS
3. GIVE UP TOMORROW
2. the INTERRUPTERS
1. EL LUGAR MAS PEQUENO


the Best / of the rest:

THE SKIN

I LIVE IN

Beginners

CIRCUMSTANCE

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO

W E E K E N D

MARGIN CALL

the
Descendants
M E L A N C H O L I A

Windy Seductions

Geez Louise...I've been thinking about you way too often. I don't know what's gotten into me. Every other week, taking the subway to and from work, I catch myself fantasizing about you - those great, wonderful moments we had back in May and this past August. How you showed me things that I never thought I would like. How you made me open up my horizons, and forced me to think about new possibilities for my future...

But I'm not so sure it's such a good idea to be thinking about you. It honestly worries me, because I really do enjoy my current living situation. In fact, I'm very comfortable with it and I wouldn't like it to change. The life that I currently have brings me acceptance and a sense of security - like a warm blanket. You, on the other hand, bring risk - yet also a tantalizing allure.

Okay - I'll admit it, here and now. I became smitten with you the minute I laid eyes on you - you totally caught me by surprise! How was I supposed to know that you'd be so wonderful and accommodating? And how did you know that I would be receptive to what you had to offer me?

Back in May, I only wanted to try things out. That's all - nothing more. But the more days I spent time with you, the more I realized that I wasn't going to be able to stop visiting you. You had already made me rethink certain decisions, and I quite simply couldn't shake you off.

Seriously...what the hell makes you so appealing, CHICAGO!?

Is it the genial Midwestern charm of your people? The youthful, vibrant activity that is palpably seen and felt in & around Wicker Park/ Bucktown? Or is it the exuberance that exudes out of the different facets of your city life, whether it's politics (Rahm Emanuel as the no-nonsense leader), art (Hopper's Nighthawks), sports (daaaa Bears) or films (Bueller...Bueller)? In fact, all of these factors contribute to making you a very appealing city, indeed - and one that makes me reconsider how places and environments can bring out the best (or worst) in people.

If I lived there - would I feel as happy as when I've visited you? Or would I feel duped or cheated at having fallen for the illusion of a better, more laid-back lifestyle?

On first glance, to me you seem picture-perfect. Your breezy evenings are engulfed with lively music and attractive company, while your days carry a geniality to them easily manifested in people's demeanor. On a professional front, however, you don't have much to offer me just yet. All of the facets that make me love and enjoy my job are very much endemic to my living situation here in New York, and I don't see myself extricating myself from this city anytime soon.

Still...what lies deeper than that? Can we plant our roots anywhere and be able to find a strong identity of our own? Or are there just a few places in the world that truly speak to us, and make us better people because of what they provide on an emotional level?

While countries like Italy, Mexico and Switzerland have undoubtedly wooed me when I've visited them, Chicago is the only American city that has dispelled the notion that NYC is exclusive to a fruitful and culturally-rich lifestyle. It exudes an allure that I never really noticed until earlier this year, and in doing so, it brought to light a refreshing attitude that I hope to keep in mind for years to come: that places do not define us, but rather, prompt us to discover untapped aspects of ourselves.

Now, if only I could get those delicious pancakes from Bongo Room out of my mind...

Cupid is Not Online

It's over. After 2 years of intermittent meet-ups and occasionally awkward conversations, I have finally extricated myself from the online dating world. I had never even considered trying it out in the first place, but in today's day & age, such an approach to sociability and love-seeking has become more acceptable (and readily apparent) than ever before. To me, it has always seemed like too much of an impersonal and unpredictable approach to meeting people, especially given the level of dedication that the process entails and the amount of work that you have to put in. However, at the recommendation of two friends of mine that had good experiences on a particular dating site (and became involved in semi-serious relationships), I decided to take the plunge myself to see what opportunities would arise. What transpired in the ensuing 24 months was a series of bizarre meet-ups and interactions that ran the gamut from the excruciatingly awkward to the too-good-to-be-true...

Now...keep in mind that, despite the fact that I was on this dating site for a span of two years, I would sporadically disable or delete my account for 4-5 month intervals. When consecutive dates wouldn't work out (either due to their lack of interest or mine), I would suspend my account altogether and re-assess how I presented myself in these meet-ups. Sometimes I would try to "dial it back" and not be as extroverted or proactive, while in other situations I would take the opposite route and try to woo them as much as possible. Both tactics often tended to backfire for me, and so, the time eventually came to delete my profile and never return.

My initial encounters started promising enough, with active back-and-forth messaging between me and several interested girls. While the first couple of dates were more casual and mediocre meet-ups (going out for coffee, "happy hour" drinks), a particularly promising girl eventually stood out among the rest - a cute Filipino girl named Alex. We had very pleasant conversations online, and one night we decided to have dinner together. Since I had never tried Filipino food before, we went to a favorite restaurant of hers that served authentic cuisine.

The dinner went well. Both of us awkwardly tried to get to know each other while we ate: the adorably shy Alex geeking out over her career as a science teacher, and me trying to be engaging while doing my best not to eat ravenously in front of her. Unbeknownst to me, the portions at the restaurant were way too small for my liking, and I had to pace myself throughout dinner so that I didn't come across as a raging glutton. I was still hungry after I finished my entree, yet Alex had barely touched her food and seemed consistently anxious throughout the meal.

Then the check arrived.

The waiter gently placed it on the table - more on her side than mine - and left. I glanced at the check...then I locked eyes with her. Alex smirked ever so subtly as the slip of paper lay on the table for several seconds...and she didn't even make the slightest gesture to grab it. I'm very much of the mindset that men should always pay during dates (and from the get-go, I was ready and more than willing to do just that), but it seemed to me that Alex was just a bit too comfortable with this sentiment. Rather than try to offer to pay in the most half-hearted way possible, just to make me feel better, she kept her hands in her lap and eyed me constantly, waiting to see a credit card or a couple of dollar bills leave my pocket. Even the most subtle grab of the check would've made me feel more at ease, but Alex's decision to remain inflexible when it came to paying gave off the vibe that she was high-maintenance. Needless to say, Alex & I didn't go out again.

While this wasn't an excruciating date by any means, I did experience one several months later that was, quite simply, atrocious.

It started one rainy weekend in the city. The kind of rainy weekend that makes you stay inside for days, flipping through channels and bingeing on junk food. One evening, I started chatting online with this petite, dark-haired girl named Brianna. We clicked so well during that first conversation that we spent the following three days messaging each other for several hours. She seemed genuinely interested in me, and I was very much interested in her. We both admitted to each other that we desperately wanted to meet in person, to see if this passionate vibe that we showed online would translate into a fruitful, in-person dynamic. Since I had learned that she was a fan of campy horror films, I asked her out to go see Scream Blacula Scream at the MoMA - followed by a picnic in Central Park. I brought a blanket with me and bought a cupcake to surprise her.

An hour before meeting her, I decided to catch some of the newer museum exhibits and have some time to relax by myself. When she arrived, she texted me and told me she was waiting outside. I made my way out of the galleries and thought about what she would look like in person, and whether it'd be instant sparks upon meeting her. As soon as I stepped outside and my eyes met hers, however, I knew that my expectations had been way off the mark. The Brianna waiting for me outside of the MoMA couldn't have been more different than the Brianna that I synched so well with online. This girl was cold, overtly serious and practically mute. After the movie ended, she barely talked to me as we walked towards the park. If I tried to make conversation with her, she would only respond in monosyllabic phrases that would completely halt any semblance of a rapport that I was trying to develop. We walked side by side for ten blocks, and I felt like I was reciting a monologue out into the open air. She simply did not contribute an ounce of engaging dialogue throughout our walk (and even seemed quite content to do so).

When we entered the park, I decided to try to charm her one last time and see if I could soften her detached & disinterested mood. I took the cupcake box out of my bag and handed it to her, and she immediately opened it to reveal a red velvet cupcake inside. Since the box had been inside my bag for a couple of hours, the cupcake's frosting had dropped to the side - which impelled Brianna to utter immediately: "Oh, good...a frosting-less cupcake." At that moment, I buried my anger deep inside and, instead, chose to make light of the situation. However, as soon as we exited the park a couple of blocks later, I immediately asked her in what direction she was heading, and I quickly went the opposite way and took the train back home.

These scenarios are, of course, mere isolated moments out of a two-year span where I did end up going on some wonderful dates. I saw Rififi with a beautiful Hispanic girl at Film Forum one breezy March evening, while in another occasion, I went out for breakfast one chilly winter morning with a super smart & funny South African girl. I do cherish and look back fondly on these encounters - however brief they were - because they allowed me to overcome a built-in sense of trepidation that I developed during a period of time. Rather than having embraced a resigned approach to dating and let life run its course, I opted to try to create my own future and dictate the path that I wanted to go towards.

Yet it turns out that things don't really work out that way. At least, not for guys like myself. These brief but vibrant dates were definitely pleasing (and still are, on a nostalgic level), but they're not an accurate depiction of what the pursuit of a 'connection' is in real life. Men and women dating online are persuaded - in some form or another - to get to know each other through strained personality profiles that, more often than not, are written to sell the idealized version of oneself. That pseudo persona that one creates is then prolonged and accentuated throughout the various dates - until one's true self inevitably comes out. When that happens, the superficial dynamic between the couple is exposed, and one realizes that there was never a strong base to work from in the first place.

In short, online dating spurs people to obscure the less personable qualities about themselves while heightening or embellishing character traits that they wish they had more of. While I'm glad that I persisted with this social 'experiment', I have now realized that some things are quite simply out of one's control. The best that we can do, then, is to open ourselves up to new experiences (and new people), and always keep your eyes peeled for that next special encounter.

rahm's chicago.

SUPERficial PARTY!

It's chilly outside. You shift your stance while standing in front of the building, but you can't do much else. You're not sure what the apartment number is, but you can definitely already hear the thumping music emanating from the basement. You make your best guess and ring a doorbell; seconds later, a random stranger lets you into the apartment. The stranger doesn't live in that apartment, but he figures that more people will continue to trickle in as the hours go by, and so it's better to leave the door open from now on. It's only a matter of time before the apartment gets so jam-packed with people that the mob spreads out onto the front stoop, sharing cigarettes and downing flasks.

As you make your way through the apartment, familiar faces and friendly smiles react to your arrival. People that you haven't seen in months (or years) embrace you or pat you on the back. You throw your jacket inside someone's bedroom and go serve yourself a drink. Now what? You take a good look at the crowd around you, and you spot a friend whom you've known for a while. Her presence makes you feel glad that you decided to go out this particular night, even though it took you forever to get there. While you're not necessarily chummy with her (or most of the people present), you realize that it's nice and comforting to see acquaintances in a social setting on a regular basis.

You're catching up with your friend and learning about the new developments in her life, when a guy suddenly grabs her by the arm, lifts her up and fondles her inappropriately. You barely know this guy standing in front of you. In fact, you two have never even spoken to one another - but you did frequent the same parties back in college and you do have many mutual friends. Not only is this person somewhat unknown to you, but over the years he's also been categorized by many people as quite the epic douchebag. You don't know this to be true (after all, you two are barely acquaintances), but you have heard substantial testimony from several friends affirming this statement.

At that point he starts talking to you head-on, which instantly makes the interaction awkward. You try to change the subject and duck his inane and cryptic rants, but it doesn't prove fruitful. Then you try to ignore him altogether by trying to catch someone else's attention. One again, it's pointless. As the minutes progress, you notice that this guy simply cannot sit still for one minute. The music gets louder and more pervasive, and he joins in with the beat almost immediately. He obnoxiously bumps into people while dancing - gyrating like a spastic monkey - and in the next instant he's yelling at the top of his lungs and chugging an entire container full of booze. At that moment - with the guy giddily causing a big scene and fondling any person he can get his hands on - you realize that your preconceived notion of him is, in fact, accurate. He is one unabashedly EPIC tool. Worse yet - he's the Michael Bay of tools.

Despite his obtrusiveness, you somehow manage to evade him effectively, and you re-orient your attention toward a newly familiar face - a girl you met in the last couple of months. You walk over to her and initiate a conversation - and she responds - but her slight nano-second of a pause makes you realize that she didn't immediately recognize who you were. Still, you ease into a conversation with her, and you two appear to be naturally comfortable with each other. She seems to be genuinely interested in what you have to say, and her lively personality and freewheeling spirit make you like her even more. Most of what you're talking about is trivial, yet now you begin to test her, to see if she is as understanding and receptive as she looks. She's locking eyes with you (a good indication that she's being attentive) and chuckles when you make a half-hearted joke. So far, so good.

Finally, you take the leap: you mention a private aspect of your life in hopes of connecting with her on a deeper level. You choose your words carefully and do your best to come up with an eloquent, insightful way to describe something personal to you. You're getting to the crux of the conversation - the moment where your story is injected with a witty punch-line to offset the serious, mature tone that came before it - when you notice her eyes shifting around the room. Oh no. Is she looking for someone to save her from the conversation? Then it happens: she is yanked away by another girl and, in an instant, quickly excuses herself and leaves you standing alone.

You approach the liquor counter and serve yourself another drink. This time around, though, you make the drink stronger. A lot stronger. That way (you think), some of these people will be much easier to grapple with. Most of your friends are walking around, socializing randomly...but what about those other acquaintances? You've spent inordinate amounts of time with them for the past five years, yet - do you really know them? Real friends are easy to pick out from a crowd - but then there are those other people. Faces that smile, laugh and compliment you on your shirt, your successes in life, even your dance moves - but never seem like they genuinely mean it. Faces that talk incessantly about seemingly complex issues - yet what comes out of their mouths is nonsensical. While deep down you try to think to yourself - they can change their ways, I know they can - the fact of the matter is, it's not your concern if they do or not.

Drunk and angry, you leave the party abruptly without telling anyone. However, despite your lousy mood, a more hopeful attitude begins to seep into your mindset. One that makes you realize that, for every insincere person in the world around you, there's always someone reliable and unabashedly loyal who will provide the much-needed levity and candidness that you're looking for. Amidst all the self-adulation and shallowness that permeates through one's social life, a little honesty does go a long way.

The Puppy & Don Draper

There once was a diminutive friendly puppy that lived in New York, who loved the city a great deal and loved exploring the different boroughs as much as possible. It was quite a big change of environment from where he had been born, but the city had proven to be a nifty "playground" for him to take part in. Streets pulsated with life and activity everywhere he went, and he enjoyed interacting with strangers and new acquaintances alike. Young Brooklynite hipsters, older yuppie Upper East Siders, Astoria locals - he always found something to like in all of the social circles. In fact, this was the main reason why he enjoyed living in the city so much: he could stroll around anywhere and meet very different people without feeling out-of-place or detached from their likes & dislikes. He was quite the "social butterfly" of a puppy, and he embraced it wholeheartedly.

One day while chasing pigeons at a park, he met a young Woman. Her smile and free-spiritedness slowly but surely caught his attention, and impelled him to ignore the pesky birds that were easily getting away from him. The puppy saw in the young Woman a vibrant thirst for life, while she in turn seemed to be thoroughly amused and entertained by him, as he constantly made her laugh with his playful antics.

Days turned into weeks - and weeks turned into months - and the puppy and the young Woman continued to cross paths at the park. Sometimes the Woman would give the puppy a brief but affectionate petting, and be on her way - while other times the Woman would share her picnic blanket with the puppy on those sunny afternoons where she'd relax outside with a good book. The puppy saw these meet-ups as a habitual event. It was the only moment in his daily routine where he could freely interact with a human being in such a genuine manner, yet also be able to develop a loving bond with someone not usually attuned to his world or environment.

Abruptly one afternoon, however, the young Woman arrived at the park with a man in tow. The puppy didn't understand who this man was, only that his name was Don and that he was impeccably dressed. The puppy didn't understand human language that well, but judging from their physical interactions, it seemed to him that Don was more than a friend to the Woman. The day quickly went from bad to worse, as the puppy clearly noticed that the Woman was keeping her distance from him, and opted to spend all of her time flirting with Don while sitting together underneath a tree. As the puppy tried to keep himself occupied running around the field, Don smoked one cigarette after another, and every so often took quick sips out of a flask while having his hand treacherously close to the Woman's chest. The puppy then realized that the Woman didn't even know that he was there, even though he had spent time and effort performing silly tricks in front of her to catch her attention and make her laugh. Instead, she focused squarely on Don's seductive eyes and devilish grin, and was enraptured by his manly musk and brazen personality. At one point, the puppy could not hear the Woman's soft-spoken voice any more. When he searched for her, he realized that she and Don had already left. She hadn't even known that he was there, waiting to play with her...

Several weeks passed, and the puppy did not cross paths with the Woman - until a particularly bright Sunday afternoon when he spotted her from afar. She was in her usual spot - sitting on a picnic blanket, reading a book underneath an oak tree - but her demeanor was anything but normal. Her arms trembled ever so slightly as she held her book, and her eyes were red as if she hadn't slept in days. The puppy tried to keep his self-respect intact and not approach her, but seeing the bad shape that she was in, he decided to trudge over to her spot. As soon as she noticed him, her eyes grew wide and a genuine smile appeared on her face. The puppy, however, kept his distance, and this sudden rejection caught the young Woman off-guard. The puppy truly felt uncomfortable at being thrust into this position. Although he could not understand human language, he could discern that the Woman's troubles had to do with Don. The whole situation was none of his business, yet he knew that he couldn't remain inactive. Moving swiftly, he skipped towards her, got on her lap, and licked her cheek. The young Woman immediately started chuckling and wrapped her arms around him, petting him affectionately. The puppy, in turn, was glad that she was back in his life, and that his small gesture could - at the very least - brighten her day just a little bit more...

He ended up seeing her at the park a couple more times, and everything went smoothly until he finally noticed something that had previously gone unperceived by him. The puppy saw a sumptuous, sparkly wedding ring on the young Woman's finger. She also carried a different air to her that didn't fit with her usual personality, and it seemed like she was much more reserved than before. While the young Woman petted him, the puppy couldn't help but stare at the ring for a long time. Jeez. I could very easily swallow that thing in an instant. It would definitely delay Don's plans, at least for a bit! But this is more complicated than that. She's leaving for good. She chose him....Every week, she smiled and laughed with me - but she chose him.

In the end, after the young Woman was long gone and he remained living in the city, the puppy came to acknowledge a harsh reality: that, no matter how much he tried to ignore it, he was - and would continue to be treated like - a puppy. He could continue to be as sociable and peppy as always (or even more so), but it wouldn't change the fact that his inner warmth and attentive spirit was treated as nothing but an amusing diversion by certain people. Affectionate and loving, yes - but a diversion, nevertheless. All that he could hope for in his future was to see if he could outgrow being a puppy, and in some forthcoming situation build a friendship into a lovely and lasting connection.

In the meantime, he would choose to continue on his usual path - getting into adventures, meeting new people - while keeping an eye out for the next sociable stranger that would invigorate his life again.