Ctrl+Fbk+Del

Like many people, I have a volatile relationship with Facebook. Well, I'll be honest with you: I downright hate it. However, one cannot ignore the fact that it's a very helpful networking tool, and so, no matter how much I dislike it, I always end up caving in and accepting its validity. It is indeed an effective way of reaching out to potential friends (and employers), not to mention it's got unlimited photo-upload capabilities, which I enjoy.

When I'm not editing photos and posting them, though, I don't do much else on the site (save for the occasional "stalk"). I feel like there's not much to like about it, yet I've come to shamefully rely on its availability, so much so that every once in a while I have to suspend my account. Mainly it's because I hate myself for spending so much time on the site, simply doing nothing (i.e., stalking). Another reason is because I can't stand some people's meaningless statuses, and they force me to disconnect myself entirely from that world.

See, with a site like Facebook so available and useful to us, we tend to drop our guard and feel as though we need to share everything and anything with people, no matter how dull it is. We judge each other with a personal and watchful eye on how we express ourselves and react within the site. We communicate so ably and freely with people that every single gesture, statement and thought or idea that is stated on the site is heavily scrutinized and dissected:

"She removed her 'In a Relationship' status and is now 'Single'?! That bitch!"

"He removed his 'Single' status and is now 'In a Relationship'?! What a dick!"

"What does she mean by ' Cute pic ; ) ' ? I think she digs me, bro."

On Facebook, you usually have two types of people: (1) Your friends, and (2) everybody else. This latter category usually consists of individuals you've come across whom you've never had a substantive conversation with:

• People that lived on your floor freshman year of college
• People that talked to you at a party or bar and apparently did remember your name well
• Co-workers that try a little bit too hard to be your best friend
• Estranged family members (2nd cousins, Grandma's new boyfriend, and the like...)
• Your neighbor's sister's best friend's nephew

(The list goes on...)

Having people like this on my list made me feel awkward and insincere, so, about a year ago, I decided to be honest with myself and do something that I find completely acceptable, yet some deem improper: I began to delete them from my account. Yup. A healthy "FB House Cleaning." But don't misconstrue this - I didn't delete people that didn't have it coming to them. I've only removed a handful since last year, but the reason I've done so is because I don't qualify them as my "friends." They're more like far-away acquaintances; if there was a "My Acquaintances" list on the site, they'd surely be on it. Also, it's not because I don't want to hear from them ever again - it's because I feel cheap and disingenuous having them on my list when in fact I don't know who the heck they are. Some people enjoy having 2,000 "friends" on their network, but not me. What good is it to have a bunch of strangers on your list if you can't stand half of them - or can barely remember their full name?

The acquaintances I have "let go" from my list, I've done so in a painless, easy fashion. However, I've had a couple of actual friends of mine (or close acquaintances) whom I've had to delete in the past year. I had my fair reasons for doing so, but, to be honest...I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. The downside to deleting a friend or close acquaintance is that...they'll actually notice that you deleted them. (Yikes.) For instance, this guy I met in college - "Brad" - used to date a girl friend of mine. He was a nice guy, but I always thought he didn't like me very much. He would sporadically lash out at me for no apparent reason and our interactions were consistently odd. So, after a couple of months, I felt Brad didn't think too highly of me, and so I removed him from my list.

Cut to a couple of months later, when I received a message from him:

"have you been deleting me as a friend on facebook? hehe, it's cool if you have."

I shied away from answering him at that moment, but after more months passed, he asked me again, and I came out and told him why: because he had lashed out at me on several occasions and I just felt he wasn't interested in us having a rapport of any kind. Surprisingly, this turned out to be incredibly therapeutic - he acknowledged his past mistakes, I told him I had no qualms with him, and now we have a solid friendship.

In another instance, I had a relapse last summer with a girl friend, "Hannah." I had invited her to a concert - one that she was really eager to go to - and she abruptly cancelled on me just hours before the show. Her excuse was somewhat flimsy and lame, and at that specific moment I was miffed by the "brush-off" - so, in a fit of annoyance, I deleted her from my list. Maybe I overreacted, but I did so out of my own, hurt emotions. Whereas Brad had lashed out at me, Hannah had made me feel unappreciated as a friend - she did not give me the consideration I deserved in telling me of her cancellation in advance.

Once again - months later - I received this message from Hannah on my Inbox:

"omg jose, did you just 'limited profile' me on facebook???"

My reply was clear and concise:

"i didn't 'limited profile' you. actually, i deleted you."

I don't necessarily feel good about having acted this way. I, too, would be mad if I ever were in the position I put Hannah and Brad in. It's understandable. But I did it for a reason. I didn't undertake these actions out of spite or out of an ingrained "superiority complex." They had done unfriendly things, and I needed to assert myself with them - send a symbolic message. My actions may be deemed unusual, but think about it: if this exact situation unraveled in real life - and not through an online networking site - one would undertake a similar behavior: ignore their phone calls, blatantly brush them off at parties, etc...

I find it surprising that people take it so personally. It's not like I literally erased them from existence. What it all comes down to is this feeling of interconnectedness we share when we're on Facebook - freely reacting to (and with) a multitude of people at any time during the day - and the isolation and disconnect we feel when that link is shattered. Like online dating, Facebook is a fantasy world of sorts where we can re-make ourselves - downplay our shortcomings and embellish our strong suits. If a person leaves Facebook or deletes someone from his/her list, the "outlet" of communicating is made more visible and apparent. We thus realize not only the appeal of the site - to bring people together from different backgrounds - but also take closer note of people's existence and attitudes. Yes, these moments I had with Brad and Hannah were awkward and unfortunate, but they were essential in putting everything out in the open and addressing issues within the friendships. As of today, I have patched things up with both people and they're back on my FB list.

The impersonality and scrutiny within the site will undoubtedly continue, but we can embrace it and use it for positive change - to learn about people and "build up" on relations. After all, isn't that what social networking is all about?